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1989, 2015, a head full of dreams, apocalyptica, brian wilson, Coldplay, disturbed, f.e.a.r., face everything and rise, fear, ffdp, five finger death punch, got your six, heavy metal, hopsin, immortalized, jekyll + hyde, kid cudi, list, metal, Music, no pier pressure, nu-metal, papa roach, pop, pound syndrome, rap, ryan adams, shadowmaker, speedin bullet 2 heaven, symphonic metal, taylor swift, zac brown, zac brown band
With every good comes the bad. As fantastic as 2015 was for music, it only made the shit stink more. The result of which are these; ten albums bad enough that I had to give them special mention.
10. Apocalyptica – Shadowmaker
I was honestly surprised at myself for including Shadowmaker on this list. There were worse albums out this year, there were albums that disappointed me more. But Shadowmaker is almost impressive in how empty it is. The album is absolutely devoid of anything that would make it stand out, good or bad, and that alone made it worthy of this list. For a metal band composed only of cellists, Apocalyptica don’t do much with their gimmick, instead showering the cellos with effects until they sound like shitty guitars. Some bad albums are worth listening to because they have interesting ideas, while other you just have to hear how bad it is for yourself. But there is no reason to listen to this album.
9. Ryan Adams – 1989
Honestly, Ryan Adams’ full-album cover of Taylor Swift’s 1989 isn’t awful, and I hesitated to include it on this list. Hell, I’d go so far as to say the cover of “Style” is pretty damn good, albeit nowhere near as good as the original. However, 1989 earns its place on this list for just how cynical it felt. While Adams claimed he simply wanted to pay tribute to an album he liked, I couldn’t help but find this a weak cash-in on the most popular album of last year. The fact that the album, while not bad, is certainly not good doesn’t help matters.
8. Papa Roach – F.E.A.R.
As nu-metal fell out of popularity, bands had no choice but to adapt. Korn and Linkin Park got softer and brought more electronic elements into their music. Deftones took the opportunity to experiment more with different sounds. Limp Bizkit broke up entirely, only to return in 2011 when nostalgia for the genre had grown. While these bands made their own path, Papa Roach have spent the past few years chasing trends, and never has this been more obnoxious than on F.E.A.R. (Face Everything and Rise). The album is soulless tripe, its only aim being to cash in on what is popular in rock music now. Don’t waste your time, other bands are doing it better.
7. Disturbed – Immortalized
In my review of Immortalized, I pondered on the possibility that Disturbed have been a parody band all along, and this was simply the latest instalment in a series of releases aiming to take this piss out of modern heavy metal and metal culture. The only reason Immortalized isn’t higher on this list is that I’m not entirely convinced I’m wrong. Unfortunately, though, at the end of the day, this album is just too boring to be a clever parody. Over-processed and completely lacking in edge, Immortalized takes the worst of Disturbed and puts it into a neat little package.
6. Hopsin – Pound Syndrome
“Did the man who invented college go to college?” Hopsin’s hypotheses on Pound Syndrome are less that of the wise philosopher he was going for, and more of a whiney teenager who doesn’t understand the world half as well as he thinks he does. And maybe that would be fine if Hopsin was that teenager, but he’s 30 years old. At this point it’s downright embarrassing that someone his age is still writing songs about how awful women are for leaving him in the friendzone. Hopsin actually has some talent, his flow is good. But that is always going to be overshadowed by his awful choice in subject matter.
5. Coldplay – A Head Full of Dreams
Say what you will about Coldplay (and I mean that), at least their songs used to be memorable. Whether or not you like them, if I say “Yellow,” “The Scientist” or “Viva La Vida,” you can immediately hear these songs in your head. This ended with last year’s Ghost Stories a boring, forgettable slog of an album. But at least it was trying to do something, being a breakup album following Christ Martin’s divorce. A Head Full of Dreams on the other hand, doesn’t have a single idea. There are songs, music, vocals, but nothing is really happening. When I said Shadowmaker was the most nothing release of 2015, I may have been lying a little bit.
4. Kid Cudi – Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven
By most metrics there was no album out this year, at least by a major artist, that was worse than Kid Cudi’s Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven. And despite me honestly thinking this album is a travesty, I can’t bring myself to place it higher than fourth on this list. Because, let’s be fair, a lot of us will have went through a Nirvana period, where we thought they were the be all, end all of music. Admittedly, most of us have this phase at 14, not 31 but still. There’s one thing you can say about Speedin’ Bullet 2 Heaven, and that’s that it’s honest. Kid Cudi honestly believes he’s made a fantastic album here, even if he maybe shouldn’t believe that.
3. Brian Wilson – No Pier Pressure
In a year of underwhelming, bad releases from classic rock stars (see Keith Richards’ Crosseyed Heart and David Gilmour’s Rattle that Lock) Brian Wilson’s No Pier Pressure was easily the worst. I had high hopes for this album after the Beach Boys reunion album That’s Why God Made the Radio ended up being a pleasant surprise, but alas this album was terrible. In lieu of actual criticism, I’m going to ask you to join me in experiencing this album’s worst track together the bafflingly awful “Runaway Dancer.” Look into Brian Wilson’s dead eyes as you watch this.
2. Five Finger Death Punch – Got Your Six
This is bro-metal at its worst. Got Your Six is ugly music for ugly people. And that may be praise for some metal bands, but not here. This is just plain unlikeable. Frontman Ivan Moody expands his emotions from “I’m a tough guy who will kick your ass” and “I’m a sensitive guy” to “I’m a sensitive guy who’ll kick your ass.” It’s the kind of music I imagine somebody would want to listen to while fantasizing about kicking an innocent dog to death. It’s a boring guy pretending to be tough, making music for boring people who think they’re tough. Everything about this album reeks of someone trying too hard.
1. Zac Brown Band- Jekyll + Hyde
Zac Brown Band are the Subway of country music. People like to pretend it’s a better option, but deep down it’s just the same as all the other crap, and the fact that it masquerades as something more just makes it even more unlikeable. I first heard of Zac Brown Band due to their fantastic song “Day for the Dead” and I’ve been digging through their discography ever since in the hope that they have at least one other track that’s remotely listenable. I didn’t find it on Jekyll + Hyde. The only time the album becomes listenable is when it briefly shifts into a cover of Pink Floyd’s Is There Anybody Out There? Guests Chris Cornell and Sara Bareilles don’t deliver anything better, instead being brought down by Zac Brown’s awful music, the audio equivalent of eating dry noodles. How a band this consistently bad produced a song as great as “Day for the Dead” is beyond me, but I know they haven’t come near matching it yet.
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